Oh, CrossFit. Please give me back my husband.
He races off the gym with the sort of anticipation that resembles the expectation of a hot date. He is giddy, eager to pack up his gear and head out. He returns, literally dripping sweat, red in the face, and even more excited than when he left. He says strange phrases like, “Tonight I PR’d my Diane time by over three minutes!” or “I did a really good snatch this evening” (?!) or “I finally nailed the no-false-grip muscle-up.”
I’ve learned that a kettle bell has nothing to do with boiling water, and ‘boxes’ are actually a special code word for ‘gym,’ and rumble rollers are not roller coasters but some kind of torture device that increases mobility.
When he’s not at the gym, he’s on the computer – get this – watching CrossFit videos on Youtube. Yes, he actually sits and watches guys and girls picking up heavy objects and putting them back down again. He watches multiple rounds of these so-called WODs (workouts of the day), pausing and replaying prime parts, taking notes in his workout journal, and sometimes standing in the middle of the room to practice certain movements. Then he remembers all these clips and cites their details: “Did you know Khalipa did DT in, like, seven minutes? And Rob Orlando can do a one-armed Fran and 300-lb Grace!” These are big names in CrossFit. They’re the CrossFit celebs, the ones whose WOD times (see, you’re already in the know because you know what I mean by that, right?!) are revered and discussed in great detail by all followers.
J. then logs onto Facebook and proceeds to post his workout times to his status. To most people, it appears completely unintelligible, but to the CrossFit crowd, it’s fodder for extensive discussion. The status updates read something like, “DT in 14:15. Hook grip pwns!” or “JJ=Death. Subbed 135 lb squat clean. Boo.” Yet, he receives comment after comment from others who understand this mysterious, cryptic lingo. You see, fellow CrossFitters post their workout details so that they can comment, support, compete, and (mostly) just show off to each other.
I used to give him a really hard time, until he started dragging me along. He’d made me promise, back when I was rather large and pregnant, that I’d give him 90 days to prove that CrossFit is the best workout you can get. I stayed true to my word and, sure enough, we’ve been hitting up the gym together fairly regularly for the last couple of months. Despite all my teasing, I have to admit I’m becoming a convert.
Take tonight, for example. After a lengthy warm-up and going over the movements that would then be part of the WOD, the actual work-out began. I work well under pressure, and when there’s a clock ticking away above my head, and another girl beside me who I simply must beat to the finish, I can really push myself. Ten front squats, fifteen burpees, ten ring rows – repeat three times – as fast as you can go. I did it in 8:04. I’m still shaking from the exertion, but man, does it ever feel good afterward.
So, maybe I’m okay with sharing my husband with CrossFit – for a few hours a week, at least.